I was going to drag him out to the front lawn for full on shiny sun but the neighbors across the street are busy moving in and I don’t want their first experience in the neighborhood to be OH UM THAT SNAKE IS HUGE I HAVE SMALL CHILDREN CAN WE MOVE AWAY PLEASE
I like to warm up to people before pulling out the big kids or perhaps just never mention the snakes at all that works too.
So instead, I chronicled Dumat’s adventure in the backyard. For reference, he’s just hit 30lbs on the dot and my ball pythons could fit into the back bootycoil in the photo above.
But then I circled around and with the camera between our faces I think he forgot who I was for a moment.
wait who you
WHO YOU THO HUFFHUFFHUFF
oh just mom nvm
cmon mum
Meanwhile, an anole on the roof flipping it’s shit out EITHER GODZILLA CAME HOME OR I’M HIGH AS BALLS
wait wait wait wait
wait
stop everything
what are this
what ARE this????
oh a plank well ok lets go find totoro then he’s in here rite
…no baby no, only a huge cloud of mosquitoes where in there, and I promptly dragged him back inside while I slowly died of bloodloss
I want to make an infomercial where it’s not clear what the guy’s selling. Like he’s demonstrating how powerful this vacuum is by sucking up a bowling ball but then he starts showing you how strong the bowling ball is by dropping it on some knives, but then he’s showing how the knives haven’t been damaged at all by using them to cut through some shoes and it goes on and on for two hours then just loops back to the start while a number flashes on screen the whole time and if you call it it just echoes whatever you say back to you.
So I was on the train today and these two black guys were having a conversation not even that loud and said “nigga” like once when this white lady turns around and says “How do you think MLK Jr. would feel about you using that kind of language” and one of the guys snaps back and said “Idk maybe if your people didn’t shoot him I would know”
To be honest, if someone on public transport is having a hard time standing/balancing and you don’t you should give them your seat. Even if you don’t think they’re “pregnant or a person with special needs” for all you know they might’ve worked a 10 hour shift on their feet, or maybe it’s summer and they’re dehydrated, maybe they have a chronic illness you can’t see.
tall people: if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. i cant keep up with you. please think of my tiny legs i dont want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll you TITANS
Just get a pair of roller skates and hang on to my sleeve, we don’t have all day.
